i used to be an advocate for adoption.  i was fourteen.  i had recently witnessed an adopted friend of mine being handed over to his biological parents.  he was four.  the state supreme court overturned the adoption.  no questions asked.  it was an atrocity.  i will never forget april 30, 1995.


i remember carrying a paint can, plastered with a blue "remember baby richard" bumper sticker, through the halls and into each of my classes the following year as a freshman in high school.  i asked friends and strangers alike for donations to fund our friends' legal fees.  my freshman english teacher spotlighted my efforts by awarding me the "cougar award" - a simple award given to students whose actions stick out.  i felt like a dork but it didn't matter.  i was proud to be an advocate.  for the warburtons.  and for danny.

i decided after this experience that i wanted to be a family lawyer.  i wanted to make a difference for families facing the loss of their adopted children.  i wanted to change the world.  i did not want the pain we endured as a community to ever happen again.

i grew up.  i became a teacher.  i got married.  now, after five years, i am about to become an advocate of adoption again.  this time, i'm scared.  my husband and i have tried to conceive for more than four years now.  at the end of august, we made a decision to change our path.  we are now hoping to adopt so we can build our eternal family.

i need courage.  it is what has gotten me through four years of the ups and downs of our unexplained infertility.  but i need more courage.  to do what i know is the most right decision my husband and i have made so far in our married life.

i want to share with you our walk of courage.